I logged in a few hours ago and began this post – it started like this:
“I HATE OCD – I hate that it compels C to ruin a day he has been desperate for weeks to have. I don’t know how much more of this I can take, the run ins literally make me ill with anxiety”
C had slept in this morning and I ran around trying to get some housework done. I had invited my friends boys over to play today and was hoping to get the upstairs passable so that I could spend time in the basement with all 4 boys to make sure that C didn’t have any “episodes”. Honestly, things have been progressively getting better with respect to his moods since we took him off the new medication but I wanted to make sure I was on hand just in case.
As soon as the boys showed up at the door, C was in the oldest boys face (lets call him Jake for the sake of this post). In his incessant, pressured speech C began to list his demands “Jake, you need to stand over there. I am going to teach you Karate” and even while Jake politely declined, C headed off to change into his karate gear. It’s important to note that C had briefly taken Karate last year through the community centre so he really does not know Karate. He did get Karate Kid for Christmas and watched it yesterday so that probably was where this obsession was coming from. He kept badgering Jake even with me running interference and eventually I sent Jake upstairs to play as I was beginning to fear for his safety as C escalated. I admit it, I felt frustrated and desperate. In moments like this he is soooooo fixated. In my heart I know the only way to ease the situation is to go around it, not try to tackle it head on. But I have moments of self-doubt at times and sometimes I am tired. After a few attempts to discuss it calmly (there was no calmness going on), I went straight for distraction and suggested Playstation. it was eery how quickly he refocused.
And within an hour I am feeling more like this:
“my son is amazing. He is so patient as he teaches our 4 year old friend how to play Lego Star Wars on the PS2. He even turned on the invincibility feature and pauses mid lightsabre wielding to coach him on what buttons to push.He has come a long way”
Will I ever get used to the roller coaster moments?