On Tuesday we went to follow up with the Developmental Pediatrician. I had filled out the Aspergers Questionairre (ASQ) months ago and at the routine follow up she had said we could discuss it further.

The visit was long, it was thorough. As always – I felt very supported and that they REALLY hear what I am saying there. They ask all the right questions.

Then she told me he definately qualifies for the diagnosis of Asperger’s.

What???? I thought they would say this was just a screening and then make us jump through hoops and wait list after wait list to finally find out (oh wait, that’s a different treatment centre) OR that she would tell me flat out there is no way he fits that diagnosis.

Nope. She showed me the papers – the charts and where he falls. He was so high it made me literally gasp. All these swirling thoughts and emotions were happening. Damn it, THIS is why I am so exhausted!!!!! She was very clear with me that this is not a case of a child being misdiagnosed up until now. This is an additional diagnosis. She didn’t have to sell me on it – this is our “something more”.

I knew it was coming, I’ve been assuming in my head he has AS and it’s amazing how much easier it has been to let go of some things but to stay firm on others now that I had made peace with it. Or so I thought I had. Much like when we got the Neuropsych results back in 2005 – I felt like I had the wind knocked right out of me. As I teared up in the office I laughed and told the doctor “I honestly have no idea if these are tears of relief or sadness”.

“Perhaps both” she said.

Yes, perhaps both.

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