What Haunts Me

“Mom” he says softly and I am startled by his sudden speech. We had both been sitting quietly, a rare occurrence.

I shift my body slightly to look at the top of his head as he in turn looks to my eyes. Our eyes meet briefly and in that moment he knows he has my attention and he looks away, seemingly looking out the window in front of us

“You know that kid Devin, that small kid that is always angry?” he asks

“Yes” I answer, for I do indeed have a vivid memory of the small spry boy that spewed forth expletives I had never heard before and whose punch to the arm of a staff I could hear from across the room.

“Well, Devin, he doesn’t have a family . . . ” his voice catches and I feel him begin to take deeper breaths. I can tell he is trying not to cry. I stay very still, knowing that to move or to speak might stop him from continuing to say whatever it is that is causing him such grief.

“And . . . well . . ” he continues, struggling through tears to even get the words out “if I didn’t have a family – well, I’d be mad too”

All the kids that never make it out of the “system” and have no one advocating for them, they haunt my days and nights. I shared this with a friend yesterday who was once my Manager long ago before we adopted C and she responded “I too worry about all of the children who don’t have people to believe in them and understand them, or even to belong to!

We all should belong to someone.

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