School in our part of Southwestern Ontario (Canada) starts next week.
Cue scary shark music ending in a shrill shriek
But wait . . . Usually by now I am saying hourly prayers under my breath and wishing desperately that I had a vice that would get me through the last few days of summer vacation while AT THE SAME TIME wanting nothing more than to curl up in the fetal position in a dark room in order to get away from the impending doom that is school for my boys.
This year . . . I posted a thank you to summer in my Face Book status. I posted lots of awesome pics here on my blog. Sure there have been bumps in the road this summer. A few were pretty significant and usually would have brought me to my knees. But this year – we are all managing.
Last night I went across the border to do some shopping with my very good friend and we stopped at the Olive Garden (which we no longer have in our home town, sigh) to absolutely stuff ourselves eat and enjoy each others company on this rare ocassion for as long as possible. Amidst fits of uncontrollable giggles that left my stomach hurting and tears running down my face – we commiserated. We talked about school and what we were doing to prepare for this year as all four of our boys have unique learning challenges at school.
I admitted to her that I haven’t done any of the information packages and personal introduction letters to the teachers that I usually have ready in July (lol). I just yesterday had a brief conversation with C’s teacher to book a quick visit to school on Friday to ease his anxiety because I figured that was the one thing I can’t skip this year.
At that moment I paused from stuffing my face and I said to my good friend “you know, I’ve given enough of my time, energy, emotions, tears and effort to school. I think I’m done with that for now”.
And I meant it.
C is going to have a very strict and loud teacher this year.
I could choose to try and fight his class placement. I could try to get him moved. I could write letters, make calls, write emails, vent on Facebook and call upon all my advocate friends.
I could stay up til the wee hours tonight typing and cutting and pasting and printing and colating information, all the while trying not to be resentful or sad that there would be a strong possibility that the teacher wouldn’t so much as crack the front cover on my carefully chosen duotang.
I could find myself lying in the bed, late at night, unable to sleep as I worry about the fact that this Grade 8 for C and he is woefully behind in using his laptop. That he struggles so hard to fit in and might feel rejected and isolated. That next year is highschool and . . . . .
but I stopped myself
I am going to choose instead to be believe that after all these years the people at his school know him and are competent. I am going to believe that C has come so far that he can continue some of the self advocacy that he has demonstrated previously. I am going to believe that the people (peers and teachers) that we know and trust and who know and love our son will look out for him and let me know if something is amiss (as they have in the past). I am going to trust that the Principal and last years teacher chose his class placement for very good reasons and that they have everyone’s best interests at heart.
I am going to choose to let go a little. I am going to trust what we have worked so hard to create to do its thang.
And I am resolute in my knowledge that should there be bumps in the road – I know how to handle them. I am bigger and stronger than any of those situations and I am supported by many many people who are also bigger and stronger and we will close ranks around C and help him, and the school, through anything that the universe throws our way.
We have done it before. We can do it again, but only if necessary
Because in the meantime – I plan to keep living and loving my life and doing things like canning 8 dozen jars of spaggetti sauce with a good friend that I just don’t see enough of.
I will let some of our hard work do its magic while I dance and live off to the side
Cue party music