So as you may know – because I have references it here a few times – when I was a teenager I spent a significant amount of time on the mental health wards of my area hospital. It was a really tumultuous time and very often I didn’t think I would make it.
Fast forward to now. I’ve come to a place in my life where I am trying to make sense out of that time when I was 17. So I did what I have wanted to do for a very long time – I ordered my health records from the hospital. A. was apprehensive about this move – what if I read the records and it launched me back into a depression. I understood his reservations but I felt confident that I could handle whatever was in those pages.
They arrived today. All 170 or so pages. I’m not gonna lie – it felt a little like Christmas. But it was a work day so I could only take a glance as I ate my lunch. And do you know what stood out for me the most as I took those glances?
Patient is overweight
Patient is mild to moderately obese
Patient is morbidly obese
Ouch people. That hurts. Because I remember who I was and how I was back then. I was 170 pounds and had very poor self esteem. But what I wouldn’t give now to be 170 pounds!!! Why did every physician and social worker note make mention of my weight?
I think it’s horrible that so much time and energy went into my trying not to die and these so called professionals were passing judgements that had nothing to do with my depression at the time. I’m just glad I had no idea they were calling me morbidly obese behind my back.